Archive for the ‘college town’ Category

Bowels, rain, and chest colds…

November 25, 2009

Have you ever noticed that there is a direct correlation between how badly one is in need of a toilet, and the inopportunity of the moment of need? For instance, one can be brushing one’s teeth in one’s own bathroom and have no need to secrete any waste. But the second one finds himself, say, on top of a roof in the rain, all of a sudden one’s bowels and bladder decide its time to go into overdrive, generally at the same time.

This, by mere happenstance, is the situation in which I found myself today. Did I mention it was raining? Rather miserable experience, being on a roof in the rain. Why, you ask, was I in just such a predicament? Well, I’m a roofer, you see. I apply rooves. To peoples homes. In the rain, sometimes. That’s my day job, anyway. By night I’m a pizza delivery expert.

Anyway, this wasn’t a hard rain, but a steady drizzle, the kind which leaves one with no choice but to stay on the roof and work. Of course it was also cold and windy, which forced me to divide my irritation into thirds. If you could have peered into my mind this afternoon, past the clutter, disorganized file cabinets, maps, movie clips, and wastebasket full of irrelevant comments and bad puns, this is a sampling of what you might have read scrolling across the typewriter that sits upon my mind’s dusty desk:

“Golly, I wish the wind would stop. It drives this steady drizzle of rain straight up my shirt. Come to think of it, if the rain would stop drizzling, my fingers probably wouldn’t be so cold. Speaking of the cold, this breeze sure isn’t making me any warmer. Add in the steady drizzle, and you’ve got one helluva bad afternoon…”

I could go on, but I’m sure most of you get the gist of my mental process. So there I was, rather peeved about all the rainy, wetty, coldy business, when suddenly…there was a tremor. No, not an earthquake, this particular tremor came from the region of my body which was covered by diapers for the first three years of my life. Being rather too old for diapers at my present age, I found myself rather unprepared. The logical thing to do, I concluded, was to get to a safe area where my sudden discomfort might be relieved.

Now, for those of you who do not find yourselves lucky enough to apply rooves to people’s houses in the rain in November, let me explain something. On a sunny, still day in september, navigating a roof is like navigating a garden path. A twist here, a turn there, and you’re where you want to be. Navigating a roof on a wet, windy, cold november day, however, is like trying to sprint down Mt. Everest with your boot laces tied together. Needless to say I nearly died several times.

Oh yes, and I have a nasty chest cold. So, naturally, halfway down the roof, I started into a coughing fit, which did not help matters. By the time I was down the ladder and on solid ground, I had coughed up 3/4 of a lung, a half pint of phlegm, and nearly released by bowel movement. I rushed to the toilet with the agility of a walrus, arriving just in time.

It just occurred to me that you, dear reader, might not be interested in hearing about my bowel movements, viral infections and bladder control issues. I apologize. If you have soldiered on through  this much of my blog posting, I thank you kindly, and you have my solemn vow that I will not speak of this subject again for a rather longish time.

The path to the toilet is fraught with difficulties




American Football and Lactic Acid…

November 24, 2009

There seems to be a direct correlation between the playing of American Rules Football and an incredible buildup of lactic acid in the thighs and hams of the participants. I just recently experienced this phenomena while playing a rather violent pickup game this past Sunday. By the end of the day, I was beaten, bruised, and thoroughly worn down, and that dreaded lactic acid was already seeping into my every cell. I imagined that those little lactic acids were gleefully frolicking about in my veins, clogging up all sorts of passageways and generally disturbing the peace. It makes me shudder just thinking about it.

Monday morning rolled around right on schedule, of course, and hit me like a freight train. I oozed out of bed and set about my morning rituals: Bathroom, kitchen, closet, keys, wallet, leave, go back for cell phone, leave, arrive at work…accept this time, I felt like I had put in a full day’s work by 9 am. My legs were like logs, my feet like bricks. Needless to say, it was a rather long day.

I took my wife out for tea after work, my intention being to sit and have a long talk about nothing in particular in a coffee shop. We ended up shopping for a new outfit. How does that happen? I’m really not quite sure. Somewhere between her cute smile and sparkly eyes, she turns her ideas into my ideas, or something to that effect. She practically makes me believe it was my idea for her to try on a new outfit. So there I stand, feeling rather smug and pleased with myself, while she tries on some Miss Mis jeans…whatever those are. It’s not until she apologizes about ruining my date idea that I realize what has happened. I sulk a bit, naturally, playing it up and all, but really I’m just happy that she’s happy. And that the lactic acid seems to have finally worked its way out of my system.



November 18, 2009

Let’s get something straight first off: I did in fact debate the name “creativmynd.” The implications of claiming one’s own mind is creative are, to be sure, heavy, but I decided that enough people have confirmed this prognosis (that my mind is in fact capable of, and even prone to, creating) that I was free to proceed.

Of course, the spelling was also up for debate. Is it too coy to spell a name like “creativmynd” wrong intentionally, in an effort to confirm that the title is in fact deserved? That is to say, is it a bit too much, too soon? Should I have eased readers into my creative, um, ness, more gently?

My obvious conclusion was to charge ahead. I will assault you with creativity from the moment your eyes grace the name of my blog. It’s just who I am. I apologize profusely.

With that matter out of the way, I feel somewhat free-er to speak on the subject which I intended to blog about this evening in the first place: pizza delivery.

An addendum: My grammar is, shall we say, less that perfect. If you happen to be an editor, an english professor at an ivy league school, or someone who passed their creative writing class with a “B” or better, please just spare yourself the pain and stop reading. I can be brutal to english.

Okay, let us continue on our “Run” (the technical term for a pizza delivery) for this evening.

In case you hadn’t surmised, I deliver pizzas. Hot, steaming, greasy, toasty, toppingy, cheese-covered discs of carbohydrates and empty calories…served fresh in cardboard.  I love my job.

Why, you ask, do I enjoy a job which has been largely attributed to hippies, pot heads, and drop outs? I’ve traced it back to at least three reasons. There may be more reasons, but for now I’m sticking with just three.

Reason 1: I love freedom. As far as jobs go, you don’t get much more freedom than delivering pizzas. At a busy store like ours, you’re basically only in the kitchen long enough to get your next delivery and get out. The rest of the time, you’re free to cruise in whatever way suits you.

Reason 2: Two of my best buddies work with me. One of them got me the job. The second, like me, had the first guy get him a job too. 

Reason 3: I like people. I like watching people, interacting with people, learning from people, etc. You would not believe how many different people one meets while delivering boxes of goodies (or perhaps you can, depending on your background.)

Anyway, between driving my beat up vehicle around a college town, encourtering every possible breed of human (oh yes, there are breeds), and trying to keep it at least a little professional, I have a good time with the whole “food courier” gig (a title which was besowed on me by an emergency room security officer once…long story).

Well, I think that’s more than sufficient for my first blog ever. There’s lots I would like to impart to you, but I’m sure your brain, like mine, does not have the capacity to hold any more information…assuming you care.